The Bad, the Good, and The Ugly

I know, I know, we normally say, "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly."  This will all make sense soon.

What a weekend!  After Bob and I did breakfast on Saturday, I headed out to visit Mr. F.  That would be Forrest.  The weekend was forecasted to be terrible but my philosophy is, if it ain’t rainin’, head on out.  So I did.  All the usual folks were nowhere to be found – just me and the barn guy.  Sometimes, I enjoy having a barn to myself.  So, I got Forrest ready and off we went for our first totally alone ride across the surrounding acreage of Blue Ridge. 

I’d been out several times with Vic so I figured I’d just take it gate by gate, field by field and I hoped I’d remember the terrain and the lay of the land and how to ride a loop that would lead me back to the barn. 

Everything was going swimmingly as Forrest and I passed a neighboring barn on the Blue Ridge estate, parts of Rokeby, the Mellon’s property, and Twelfth of Never.  We were headed to the backside of Blue Ridge where another gelding field sits across the drive from what Vic calls, “Stallion Alley”.  If you’ve read past entries into my blog, you might recall this is the area where Forrest had the begeezus scared out of him the day Leah came out to visit.  Granted, we were coming to the area from a different direction, but, as stupid as horses are, they do have an incredible memory. 

The Bad

We rounded the bend between the two paddocks and Forrest suddenly planted his feet into a stop then, just as fast, started walking backwards at a speed that would impress any reining judge.  He was not about to go forward because he could not see thru some trees and brush what might be lurking ahead.  This is what kept the horse alive during dinosaur days and God love ‘em, you can’t breed it out of them. 

Once he stopped, I tried to urge him forward with my leg.  He yanked the left rein as hard as he could and said, “Nope, we’re headin’ home.”  He is very strong on that side and I am very weak on that side and clearly, he knows that.  I managed to lean back and pull him back to the left, pointing him right back in the direction I intended us to head. 

Once he was standing still, I popped him with my stick behind my leg.  Not a good idea.  Forrest gave me a little warning hop that told me he could not be convinced in that manner.  One thing you learn thru the years – there are some horses you can push and there are others you cannot.  I figure, with a horse weighing on average 1100-1200 lbs, he’s gonna win a contest in strength so if he gives me the slightest bit of an ugly response to a show of force, that’s where the show of force gets shown no more.  From there, you wait.  So, I waited.

I sat there patiently as we went forward slowly, and backwards quickly.  And sideways quickly and back to where we started slowly.  Eventually, I won that battle.  Finally, we got around the bend and Forrest could see that nothing was lurking.  Except his father up on the hill, of course.  It was his father that scared the devil out of him that other time.  And there he was, waiting at the fence line, now very interested in all the commotion down below him. 

Forrest suddenly heard the roosters cock-a-doodle-dooing and just knew he was right – he knew something was indeed lurking ahead that could swallow him whole in one bite.  He planted all fours again.  I wanted to win that battle from the saddle (I just made a rhyme) too but as I tried to urge Forrest forward with my leg, the stallion stood on the fence line just above us and began trotting back and forth.  Now, I had two upset horses.  Being as paranoid as Forrest, I envisioned the stallion getting very fired up and somehow blasting through the not-so-new fence and going on a spree.  Common sense told me to get off and try to lead Forrest up the hill towards the cattle farmer’s place in the direction of the chickens. 

This option agreed very much with Forrest.  I’m sure in his mind, he figured whatever was up there waiting to eat us, would eat me first since I was out there in front.  And once it ate me, I’d no longer be holding his reins and at that point, he could wheel off towards home like he tried to in the first place.  Stupid human!  I could hear him now, “Go ahead, smartass.  You’re out there in front so you’ll get eaten first and I’ll laugh all the way back to my stall.”

Up the hill we went, blowing, snorting, waiting, watching, ready to dart off at the first sound.  I got him through a gate and walked him through the land mine field of cow paddies, hopped onto a good sized boulder and climbed back on. 

The Good

Forrest was not about to be called a sissy or a worthless horse so, when we got to the next gate, he walked right up to it and sidled up to it nice and close so I could unhook it from his back.  And once we got through, it was amazing, he sidepassed like a dressage horse, again, standing nice and close to the gate while I retrieved the chain again and latched the gate.  Superb!  All was forgiven.  I had a few treats in my pocket and tried to get his attention to give it to him but no…he gazed off up the trail ahead saying, “No, you idiot.  Can’t you see?  I’ve got to pay attention to keep us, well, me, out of harm’s way.”  I know horses must just think humans are the most oblivious creatures.  No amount of tapping on the neck, pulling of the rein or clucking to show him I had a treat could take his mind off his job.  Fine.  We walked on.

The next gate was one I had to get off to manage.  Not all of them are rider friendly.  I took care of that one, got back on, and then, we were on the lookout yet again because now, we were out in the open – vulnerable to all that was lurking from the edge of the woods.  But a stupid human has not sense of this sort of thing.

The Ugly

Suddenly, as Forrest thought, evil did indeed lurk ahead.  Why I didn’t trust him was beyond me.  There they were – three cows mounted one on top of the other while the others looked on as if this sort of thing happens everyday.  Forrest knew this was odd, if not vile behavior and he was only trying to protect me, and him from this three-backed beast. 

And so, the “I’m not going” dance began.  We went sideways and backwards with a few little steps forward before stopping.  We did a little hop here and there and stopped again.  This strange dance of course caught the attention of the three-backed beast who took it as some kind of a war-dance.  And so, the beast mysteriously broke itself into three parts and dispersed, slowly, but surely.  All that was left were a few cows who’d been observing the three-backed beast at play.  And they weren’t moving. 

Forrest took this as a challenge and so, in a show of power, he puffed himself up as big as he could (and mind you, he’s quite large), and decided he was literally going to make a run for them.  Without any encouragement from me, he charged forward at the trot.  Now, lest we forget, Forrest is on walking rest and, being the human, I have to look out for his best interest so I had to stop him.  I’m sure he thought, “You have GOT to be kidding me?!!!  First you say go.  Now you say whoa?!!”  I tried to walk him quietly forward.  I did not want him to scare the cows, who would then start the entire herd running, babies and all, which would freak Forrest out even more. 

I tried to get him to walk forward.  He did a few steps and stopped again.  Again, he thought about it a moment and began trotting forward.  This time, I slowed him to a walk, but kept my leg on so it was a compromise – a fast walk and finally, we got up to that gate.  By this time, the remaining cows had moved off.  Phew!

I got back on and took a circuitous route up the hill and away from the herd.  After a bit of walking, Forrest decided to give one more show of superiority to the cows, just to show them how much faster and agile a horse was than a cow.  He chose to suddenly dart forward while throwing intermittent bucks here and there with a glorious swish-swish of his nice thick tail (something a cow also does not have) and then, he was done.  The rest of our ride was uneventful with more surprises of his gate-getting prowess.  So, I had to give him brownie points for that. 

Finally, back at the barn, there was lots of pawing for treats and the cutest of _expressions in an attempt to make me forget all about our harrowing ride.  Yet again, I felt like I should kiss the ground and thank the Velcro Gods for letting me stay in the tack.

The next day, the morning started off quite dark, gloomy and threatening rain.  In fact, the weather folks called for much worse than rain but again, if it hasn’t started, I just go on out.  This day, I was headed to ride at an indoor arena so unless hurricane winds were expected, I planned on riding.

First, Bob and I headed to Silver Diner to get a nice breakfast in my belly.  Then, we went to Dick’s sporting goods so I could buy some nifty ski socks of different weights and some toe warmers.  I love those things.  I got two big packs of them.  After a few more errands, I was headed out to the barn. 

I had a wonderful time.  I rode Tinker first – a nice mare who I really enjoyed, then, I rode Cartier – a youngster who had some Forrest-like moves with a little less velocity.  All the horses were acting very fresh after having been in.  During the bad weather, horses have to be kept in because not only do they destroy the fields they get turned out in, they can hurt themselves while doing it.   

Both horses gave me a great workout so today, my obliques, all the muscles in my back, my neck, my deltoids, triceps, biceps, forearms, upper abs, lower abs inner thigh and butt (great asses are earned, not given) hurt.  Did I leave anything out?  If I did, it isn't worth looking at anyway.  And people think you can't get a workout on a horse.  I did some stretches when I got home and I think that helped me somewhat.  Turning the heat on my seats on high in the car probably didn't hurt much either.  I'm guessing everything on me would hurt even more had I not done that.  I think. 

On my way home, of course I had to stop at Dover.  I got a portable saddle rack.  As if I don't already have one.  But it is at Lori's.  It's a two-tired one and the one I bought is a single-tier.  After I bought it, I realized I actually want the two-tiered one anyway so I can hang my cooler on the bottom branch and my saddle on the top.  Oh well.  For $7.90, I think I can afford to have two.  Of course I also got more treats -- god forbid one should show up around the ponies empty handed.

After all of that excitement, I was actually too tired to even go out and get dinner, like Bob and I normally do on weekends so I actually cut open a bag of that faboo ready-made pasta in the bag and stayed home for dinner. 

And that, was yet another exciting weekend.